Maybe the reason we don’t do more in our community as a church is because we can’t sustain it. Imagine how much worse of someone who has been rejected all their lives will be if we don’t follow through on our commitment.
I think that maybe God doesn’t advance us to the next level because we haven’t proved ourselves worthy or committed. You know like in a video game when you stick at the level your on and push forward your rewarded with the prize, more commitment.
This week I have been thinking about other religions. The ones that seem to always be knocking on your door or the ones out there feeding people. If you believe what I believe, those people are doing all that they are doing in their own strength. No help from divine sources, no spiritual energy and they seem to still be getting way more done than me or most of the Christians I know. I don’t have a point that’s just a statement.
I’m not happy where I’m at! There you have it the truth. I don’t even know what I want or where I want to be in 5 years. I feel like I just need to push harder for the sake of pushing harder. Maybe it comes from being a creative person, it’s always an uphill battle, a passionate slog that leads to creation. Songs, photos, sketches, it’s being progressive that’s important.
Go forward move ahead whip it good.
Corex

The best thing about going to a church service is that I can sit here and listen and feel convicted buy the sermon and want to change but I can walk out of the building and keep on sinning because people won’t ask me about it. It all comes back to the whole transparency thing. No one asks me to raise my hand infront of people to admit my sin, no one checks our download folder or asks us if we got angry. Because of politeness because of fear of stepping on someones toes. I have to say I don’t agree with the kind of social grace that causes separation and isolation.

I’ve spent the last six years in a church that doesn’t cater to me.
A strange thing to say I know, because I’m totally surrounded by people who love me like family, my pastor is one of the greatest men I have ever met, all my friends are creative and strong, these amongst other things are what I really have been searching for all my life.
Coming from a family that are nice people but disfunctional, I chased many things to fill the void and along the way God has been slowly revolutionizing my thinking about family and people and the meaning of life.
The answer to life the universe be everything! Not 42. Is relationship.
I don’t like the music, we meet in a gym, most people aren’t like me, we only have a morning service (I hate getting up in the morning), the sound gear is terrible, there’s not a home group for creative, Da Vinci type thinkers who like nirvana and nine inch nails, and drink green tea while smoking a pipe. But who cares!

I usually write when there is something tugging at my emotions, it usually feels like a giant clubbing my chest, threatening to bludgeon the life out of me.
But today i feel i have nothing to say! Something is pounding on my chest though, but i cant quite grasp what it is.
Every day i live like I’m on the brink of midlife crisis or as I always love to put it my, “every day mid life crisis” where yesterday was the first day of my life and today is the last. I remember thinking this as far back as my teens. Living like that as you could imagine is fairly strenuous emotionally and practically. Emotionally Im questioning everything even down to the simplest things like what to eat, its a great pressure bearing down on me like extreme gravity. Practically its difficult because I’m always wondering if what I’m doing is the most important thing i could be doing which makes having a nine to five job hard. Im not motivated by money or by status or love most of the time, i cant even think what it is that really motivates me but the general feeling is that every thing that i choose for myself out of my greatest of epiphanies is a waste of time. Not linear time but eternal.
Eternal, eternity, forever, are words that worry me the most. I cant presume that anything that i ever do or think is great enough to matter in those terms because I’m not really that great. But the truth is that in my weakest most useless state who i am and what i do is critically connected to eternity. Which makes me feel like every decision, about things like who to include on my birthday party list or who i forget to say hi to at the church service on sunday is life or death. Its like driving down the road and seeing all the bits of paper on the sides of the road or peoples faces as i speed past them all the time while checking the speedometer every five seconds, my mirrors, listening to the motor for changes in tone for any signs of a breakdown, making sure I’m in the right gear and that my hands are in the correct position to make a last minute swerve just incase i hit that pothole that i didn’t notice till the last second so i don’t damage the suspension which would cost more than i can afford to fix which would make me have to rely on public transport till i can scrape the money to fix the car………………aaahhhh.
People tell me I’m a passionate person, this is the cost! Unending vigilance! Because all we have to invest in i believe, is our own and each others Eternity.
Immortals! Two kinds, ones headed strait down route 66 in a hotrod strait to hell and the others the great mountain road shifting gears in a sharp handling european super-car bound for heaven. (What can i say i love driving.) Either way, we all have an eternal future and thats what’s ultimately important.
Frame of reference  is a funny thing. When i came back from Thailand where i spent time in orphanages, it was hard to even have a hot shower knowing that the four hundred kids back in Thailand where id been had never had one ever. So what I’m saying is if i look at heaven then look around down hear i have a different perspective, but if all i do is spend my time noticing all the things going on down here thats the only thing i have to compare things to.
Keep looking up!

corey e sleap